The Gift of Feedback - How to Give & How to Receive

Feedback is important – it improves performance, develops talent, aligns expectations, solves problems, guides promotion and pay, and boosts the bottom line.

Sadly, the process of giving feedback has been pushed to the corner, addressed only a couple of times each year during the performance review. We save up all of our comments and document all of the things we note, no doubt in part because the process is unnerving and feared. This is a shame because giving and receiving feedback is some of the most important communication.

The good news is that feedback is something you can practice. Given the right way with the right intentions, you can build your confidence. Quality feedback exchanges also build trust between the giver and the receiver.

GIVING FEEDBACK

1. Make it a Positive Process and Experience – the purpose for giving feedback is to improve the situation or performance. Your delivery will set the receiver’s mind and attitude, influencing how your message is taken and the willingness on the part of the receiver to change. People react to a negative interaction six times more strongly than they react to a positive interaction, according to a study published by Professor Andrew Miner. Consider starting the conversation with “let me give you some feedback” which lets the person prepare emotionally.
2. Choose What to Correct – you need to weigh the tradeoffs involved in giving negative feedback. If an error is so minor that the value of correction doesn’t overcome the potential emotional result, consider keeping it to yourself.
3. Make It Regular – feedback requires constant attention. When something needs to be said, say it. You will increase their confidence because they will know right away where they stand. Feedback given on a regular basis leads to no surprises during the formal review sessions.
4. Criticize in Private – establish a safe place to talk where you won’t be interrupted or overheard.
5. Use “I” Statements – give the feedback from your perspective to avoid labeling the person.
6. Limit Your Focus – a session should discuss no more than two issues. Any more than that risks making the person feel demoralized or attacked. Be sure to stick to behaviors that the person can actually change or influence.
7. Talk About Positives Too – a good rule is to start off with something positive to help put the person at ease. Frame it so that the person can “see” what success looks like. Be careful not sandwich the constructive feedback between too many positives, which will water down the feedback.
8. Provide Specific Suggestions – make sure you both know what needs to be done to improve the situation. Your message should be that you care and you want to help the person grow and develop.
9. Ask Questions – give the other person a chance to process what you’ve said, and to give you their side of the story.
10. Follow Up – the whole purpose of feedback is to improve performance. Measure success and make adjustments as you go.

RECEIVING FEEDBACK

Improving the skills of the feedback giver won’t accomplish much if the receiver isn’t able to absorb what is said. The receiver controls whether feedback is let in or kept out, and decides whether or not to change. A critical performance review, a well-intended suggestion, or an oblique comment can spark an emotional reaction.

Developing your feedback receiving skill will help you identify and manage the emotions triggered by the feedback and extract value from criticism even when it’s poorly delivered. It may seem like there are a thousand ways feedback can push your buttons. In fact, there are only three:

Truth triggers are set off by the content of the feedback. When assessments or advice seem off base, unhelpful, or simply untrue, you feel indignant, wronged and exasperated.

Relationship triggers are tripped by your view of the person giving the feedback. What you believe about the giver and how you feel about your previous interactions will color how you take the message.

Identity triggers are all about how you view yourself. Whether the feedback is right or wrong, wise or witless, it can be devastating if it causes your sense of who you are to come undone. In such moments you’ll struggle with feeling overwhelmed, defensive or off-balance.

Recognizing when your response to the feedback is out of proportion to the delivery or content is something you can learn, and you can build your skill in finding the gift despite the package. Try to understand the other person’s point of view, and experiment with different ways of doing things. Be prepared to discard critiques that are genuinely not helpful or misguided. Use these steps to keep from throwing away valuable feedback, or acting on comments that are damaging:

1. Know Your Tendencies – consider the following questions: do you defend yourself on the facts, argue about the delivery method, or strike back? Do you smile on the outside but seethe on the inside? Do you get teary or filled with indignation? Does the hurt ease over time? Do you reject feedback right away, and then reconsider? Do you accept it first, and then later decide it’s not valid? Do you agree with it, but have trouble changing?
2. Separate the “What” from the “Who” – both in the case of the person giving the feedback and in making the feedback about who you are instead of what you are doing.
3. Treat it as Coaching – feeling judged is likely to set off your identity triggers and can drown out the opportunity to learn. Work to hear feedback as potentially valuable advice from a fresh perspective, rather than an indictment of what you’ve done in the past.
4. Open the Gift – before you accept or reject it, do some analysis to better understand it. What does it really mean? Exactly what prompted the feedback and what should you do differently and why? Further discussion could clarify.
5. Ask for Just One Thing – feedback is less likely to set off emotional triggers if you request and direct it. Find opportunities to get bite-sized pieces of coaching from a variety of people.
6. Experiment Small – after you’ve received feedback, it may be difficult to figure out which bits will help and which ones won’t. Design small experiments to find out. If it works, great, if it doesn’t you can try again, tweak your approach, or end the experiment.

Research has shown that those who intentionally seek feedback tend to get higher performance ratings. Why? Mainly because someone who seeks is more likely to take what is said to heart and genuinely improve. Also since you ask for feedback, you not only find out how others see you, you also influence how they see you. Seeking constructive criticism communicates humility, respect, passion for excellence, and confidence – all at once.

Hosting Great Meetings

“Doing great things takes more than a great vision and a great team. It takes great execution, down to the nuts and bolts of day-to-day organization. Meetings get a bad rap, and deservedly so – most meetings are disorganized and distracted. But they can be a critical tool for getting your team on the same page.” Justin Rosenstein, employee of Google, Facebook, and Asana (http://blog.asana.com/2013/03/the-5-secrets-to-leading-great-meetings/).

Meeting management tends to be a set of skills often overlooked and undervalued by leaders and managers.  However, with just a few minutes’ forethought and preparation, we can avoid frustrating and time-wasting meetings. Productive meetings can be invigorating, motivating, and reconnecting. Follow these steps to improve attendance and attitude:

1.        Selecting Participants - invite the key decision makers; do not to invite attendees who could avoid wasting time by getting a short summary after the meeting.

2.        Developing Agendas – send an agenda and your meeting materials to attendees the day before.  You may even send a reminder or task set the day before so that people arrive to the meeting informed and ready to go. 

3.        Establishing Ground Rules for meetings – below are some suggested ground rules, you may add or subtract from the list as you wish.

a.        Start the meeting on time

b.        Members will arrive having read the materials and prepared for discussion

c.        Cell phones and other distractions are off

d.        Share all relevant information

e.        No idea is a bad idea

f.         All ideas and opinions will be respected

g.        The focus should be on goals, not solutions or personal intention.  A solution is a strategy of how you meet your goals.  The group will create solutions to an agreed upon mutual goal.

h.        Stick to the agenda, or focus of the meeting

i.          Before the meeting ends, the group will jointly design next steps that demonstrate the level of commitment necessary to succeed

4.        Time Management – be on time and stick to the meeting timeframe.  If the meeting requires visual aids or the use of equipment, give yourself an extra 15 minutes to set up.  If the discussion looks like it will go long, reschedule that item for another time.  It may be because attendees do not have enough information.  Tell the attendees that you will research their questions, or give other attendees the opportunity to do the same before the next meeting.

5.        Closing Meetings – send a follow-up with a summary of decisions and assignments that came from the meeting.  Include any non-participants who may need to be informed.

If you are not the meeting coordinator, you can still facilitate meetings with the following steps:

·         Start meetings on time.  If the meeting holder is late, wait 10 minutes, and then send a polite request to reschedule.

·         Request an agenda and meeting material the day before the meeting.  At first, you may not get anything back.  Sick with it, if the host knows that you are going to request information beforehand, eventually they will catch on and send it with the invite.

·         Keep the meeting time limited.  If a particular topic goes long, suggest moving it to another time.  If the meetings you attend often extend past their time limit, politely excuse yourself from the meeting and offer to contact someone to get the information you will miss.  Sometimes just making this gesture will wrap up a meeting that’s dragging.

·         Send a follow-up email outlining the decisions and actions steps that you will be taking as a result of the meeting.

Effective Business Communications

Professional and timely communication in the work place is essential. The business setting requires special considerations when communicating effectively, as relationships are formed that allow the company to function as a team and work in harmony. Communication fuels the decision-making process, the flow of information, and the analysis necessary to run the company.

“You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can’t get them across, your ideas won’t get you anywhere.” – Lee Iacocca

Weak communication skills can create problems for you and your team, causing you to look sloppy or unprofessional; others to fail to notice you; conflicts to arise; gaps in the flow of information; and employees to be demotivated. A few things to keep in mind while you are practicing communication are:

Write the way you speak.  Business communications do not need to be formal and stuffy in order to communicate effectively.  In fact, most readers understand what you’re saying more easily when you use a normal and conversational tone.

Take a positive approach.  Readers who are confronted with a negative message tend to become blocked or defensive on an emotional level and often cannot fully absorb the entire message.  It is therefore important to use a positive tone and a positive approach.

Inform your readers what’s in it for them or how they will benefit from the message you’re communicating. If your message contains a call to action, be sure to address it early and then restate later so the receiver is clear.

Write at the reader’s level of understanding.  You won’t impress your readers by using big words. A business communication is, first and foremost, written to communicate.  In order to do that, your readers must understand the message you are sending.

Anticipate questions and answer them right away.  Your reader will benefit from being informed up front, and you’ll save additional correspondence or communications to answer those questions later. 

Be brief and yet concise.  Longer is not necessarily better, as extra text doesn’t necessarily enhance the message and your reader may not finish the correspondence.  Make each word count, so that every sentence is able to convey something meaningful.

Avoid using acronyms and jargon.  Spell out what you mean in clear terms that everyone can understand.

Use diagrams, pictures, bullet points, and lists whenever possible to summarize and illustrate the point.

Use the appropriate communication tool for the activity.  Often, it is easy to hide behind emails or even text messages.  If you have exchanged three emails on the same topic, call or go speak with the person directly.  The dialog will allow you to answer questions, read body language and make sure you are understood.  Know the appropriate etiquette for the tool you are using. Although emails are often informal communication, do not fall into the trap of being unprofessional or sending emails that do not advance the conversation. Also know your audience’s communication preferences and use the tool that best fits their style.

Steps for Communicating

By following the steps below, you can understand the process, become more aware of your role, recognize what you need to do to communicate effectively, anticipate problems before they happen, and improve your overall ability to communicate.

1.       Plan Your Message – take a moment to figure out what you want to say, and why. Be sure to “scrub” your communication of information that isn’t necessary, wasting time and possibly creating confusion.

·         Understand and communicate your objective – why are you communicating?

·         Understand your audience and what they need to know

·         Plan what you are going to say and how

·         Seek feedback

2.       Create a Clear Message – decide exactly how you are going to say your message. Be clear and concise.

·         Understand what you need and want to say

·         Anticipate the receiver’s reaction and address it in your message

·         Choose words and body language that allow the receiver to really hear what you are saying

3.       Choose the Right Channel – you want to be efficient, yet make the most of your opportunity. Consider:

·         The sensitivity and emotional content

·         How easy it is to communicate detail

·         The receiver’s preferences

·         Time constraints

·         The need to ask and answer questions

4.       Receive and Interpret the Response – it can be easy to focus on the message we want to deliver, however you also need to be able to take a step back and let the other person talk. Active listening requires that you give your undivided attention to the speaker:

·         Look at the person

·         Pay attention to their body language

·         Avoid distractions

·         Nod and smile to acknowledge points

·         Think back to what the person has already said

·         Allow the person to speak, without focusing on what you are going to say next

·         Don’t interrupt

5.       Ask for Feedback – seek feedback to make sure that your message was delivered and understood in the manner you intended.