Watch Your Language!

          So often what we say carries emotional meaning.  Our inner dialog is running all day long, providing commentary on our actions, activities, feelings, and interactions with others.  On a good day, what we say might boost us up.  More often, we fall in the habit of destructive self-talk.  We berate ourselves for making a mistake, we sabotage our efforts to improve, and we overwhelm ourselves with vague obligations.

          What we say to ourselves should be uplifting, encouraging, and, well, nice.  In the spirit of changing a habit, below is a list of words to listen for.  Once you are aware of the troublesome words, replace them with another one (suggestions are to the right).

• Should  - this is a vague guilt-trap, instead say you are going to (and list a specific date), or release yourself and say that you don't have to.  
• Example:  I will eat better starting today.
• Race - this word and many others (rush, scramble, e.g.) imply that you are performing under pressure, instead use less aggravating words such as "completed" or "did."
• Example:  We completed the project under deadline.
• Need - this word is life or death, without this thing or action, you will die.  Replace this word with "would like" and it won't feel so urgent.
• Example:  I am following my budget more carefully.
• Can't - this word defeats you before you've even started.  Say that you are going to do this, or say that you have chosen not to do it.
• Example:  I won't be completing that project because another opportunity has come up.
• Try - using this verb means that you made an unsuccessful effort.  If you haven't even started (you are going to try) then you have already determined that you will not succeed.  Eliminate this from your vocabulary and skip right to the next word to be more decisive and positive.
• Example:  I will be at the Monday status meeting on time.

          As you read through the list, think about how these words make you feel.  Then read through the alternate list and think about how those words make you feel.  To finish the habit loop, tell your coworkers and your family which words you are going to eliminate, then check in to see how you are doing.

Did I miss any words?  Which words are triggers for you?